The Importance of Fathers

by Kent Ninomiya

I've been reading more and more lately about the importance of fathers spending quality and quantity time with their children. I know most of you will say "no kidding" to that advice, but how many of us actually make it their first priority and do it? When I say first priority I mean first. That means preferring time with your kids to time in front of the TV, computer or newspaper. That means being home instead of at work or at the bar. That means running around the playground and wrestling on the ground instead of shooing them away and telling them to go play somewhere else. When you think of it that way, guilt slides in and we realize we all do these things to some degree. The truth is we can all do more to interact with our kids.

My father was one of those strong silent types. He went to work then came home an plopped down on the couch. All my friends seemed to have the same kind of Dad. It's what fathers did back then. Nothing more was expected of them and many felt uncomfortable doing anything more with their children. Today's Dads are different. We are both allowed and expected to roll up our sleeves and be hands on parents. Bringing home a paycheck is no longer our most important responsibility. We are Dads first and whatever else we do second. Instead of seeing this as an additional life burden, view it as a gift.

Of course there are limits. We would all go crazy hanging out with the monsters 24/7. The key is notching up the time without ratcheting up the stress. Primarily it's making your kids #1 in your life. This is no small task but it's probably the most important decision you will ever make. Think about it. If you're not here on Earth to raise quality children why are you here? They are your link to immortality and the greatest reflection of who you were are a person. If you have lousy kids you were probably a lousy person.

Why is it that the worst parents ignore or abuse their kids when they're small then wonder why they are delinquents when they become teenagers? The best parents do a great job and wonder what more they can do. I decided when my kids were born that they were my primary job. When I had to opportunity to take a sabbatical to be with them I jumped at the opportunity. It didn't help the career but so what. What do money, fame and the adoration of strangers mean when your kids wont come to see you when you're old? Be sure to live your life deliberately and you wont be surprised by the outcome. Invest the time and effort in your kids now and you will have a wonderful relationship with them when they grow up. If you're not going to do that then why did you have kids in the first place? You might as well enjoy them.

broccoli - Kent Ninomiya

Kent Ninomiya. My son hates broccoli. I mean he really hates the stuff! However, since everyone else in the family doesn't mind it and it is very good for you, we tend to eat it often. Making him eat his broccoli involves a combination of incentives, cajoling and threats. It always involves a battle. When we went on vacation for a week I told him that he didn't have to eat broccoli for the entire vacation IF he promised not to complain about eating it when we returned. He enjoyed his broccoli free week but grimaces every time I remind him that he's not allowed to complain about consuming it anymore. To his credit he eats it anyway. The other day he proposed something that left speechless. He said since he had to eat broccoli, something he hates, I should have to eat pickles. I hate pickles. His logic is flawless. If he's suffering why shouldn't I? The only response I could come up with was "because I'm the Daddy and I'm not eating pickles. Kent Ninomiya

Daddy shift - Kent Ninomiya

Kent Ninomiya. A long time ago I heard that Ted Koppel spent several years away from journalism raising his kids when they were young. I heard he did this while his wife went to work or school or something because it was fair. To this day I have no idea if this story is true, however, true or not, it inspired me from a young age. I have always taken my job as a father seriously. I don't know why people have kids if they are not going to enjoy them. I can't comprehend how fathers ignore their children when they are young then wonder why they can't relate to them when they get older. Most of the job as a parent is done when the children are new. From birth through their first 5 or 6 years is the most important developmental time they will ever experience. It's a narrow window where you get to influence who they are and cement an unbreakable bond. Once that window closes it is shut forever. You can always work, but if you miss those years of your kids' lives then you miss something precious that can never be regained. I made a deliberate decision to spend as much of that quality time with my children as possible. Work is on the back burner. We play, travel, hang out. There is no specific plan. I'm just there for them. It's an investment that will pay dividends forever.

Kent Ninomiya

Old Man

I challenged my son to a series of foot races. He loves to run. They were from the light post to the trash can then from the car to the playground. I decided to go all out and give him a challenge. So I backed up about 20 feet and told him I was giving him a head start. He looked at me puzzled and said, "why would you do that? You're and old man." Keep in mind this kid is about a third my size and not even in the 2nd grade yet. I burst out laughing and remarked, "sad but true." I said, "ready, set, go" and we were off.

He beat me.

*** Kent Ninomiya AKA the old man ***